


It's Never Too Late To Turn Back

by redcloverbunny



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drama, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Gossip, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, nobody dies!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 19:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10669515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcloverbunny/pseuds/redcloverbunny
Summary: Jack has had enough. He can't take it anymore. All these thoughts, that stupid rumor, and most of all, the constant horrible home life, just might be enough to drive him over the edge.Will Mark, the cute new kid, be able to heal his heart? Or will it just hurt him even further?Trigger warning. Cutting mentioned. Suicidal Jack.





	It's Never Too Late To Turn Back

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another story. I was gonna make it shorter, but I just kept going and going. In a span of five-ish hours, I managed to get it done! Please enjoy!

The school was almost empty by now. Good. I don't need anyone to see me now.

Everywhere I went, I'm known as the gay kid. One who fucks his best friend. One who's a stupid fucking faggot. Not anymore.

He opened the door. I could hear it's squeaks. "Sean..." He started. I rose to my feet.

"Don't fockin' talk to me." I demanded, walking to the edge.

"Sean! Please, I want to help!" He yelled, seeing I was dangerously close.

What does he care? If I was _anybody_ else, he would be the same.

I could feel the harsh drop from the edge. If I decided to lean one way, it would be the end of me. The other...

I looked back at Mark.

His face was stained with tears, his hair a mess with worry. He looked out of breath from running up to here. I turned, looking at the harsh drop I could choose. It was calling me. It felt like I was being pulled towards it, but I didn't stop it.

One last look at Mark before I made my choice. "Goodbye." I said.

And I fell.

~A Couple Days Ago~

Sitting in first period English, I made sure my hoodie was covering my arms. Didn't want anyone to notice.

I was writing my outline for a paper when he walked in. Mark Fischbach.

He was wearing loose jeans and an Amnesia shirt. I immediately blushed at him, but pulled my hood up and hid. I wasn't gonna fall in love again.

Last time I fell in love with someone, it was a guy at our school. He actually admitted to liking me back, and we were gonna go on a date, but he stood me up. I confronted him, and he called me a fag.

Everything got worse after that.

As the teacher introduced Mark, he looked at me and flashed a smile. Probably to the girl behind me... He sat a couple seats in front of me.

One English class was over, I made sure to get out of there fast. Didn't want the new kid to associate himself with someone like me.

_He doesn't need you. You're worthless._

To my surprise, he popped up beside me, startling me slightly.

"Hey, what's your name?" He cheerfully asked. "I saw you in my English class."

I was genuinely surprised. "U-Uh... I'm Sean, but most people call me Jack." I said. _Jack the gay kid..._

"I'm Mark as you've probably already heard. Oh, what do you have next?" He asked, glancing at his schedule.

I looked at his schedule. "I've got PE," I said, "Looks like we're splitting now." He smiled.

"Okay, see you later?" He asked. I took another look at his schedule.

"Yeah, see you in math and study hall." I said, walking downstairs to my locker.

"Bye!" He yelled, going off to social studies. I rolled my eyes.

~~~

"You're kidding, right?" Felix asked. I had told him about Mark. "I mean, he's like just some new kid, and you're my Jackaboy." He said, putting his hand on my head. Felix was pretty much my only friend here. The only problem is that he spent WAY too much time with his girlfriend... but he's still my best friend.

"Well... I mean, I can't help it. You just don't choose who you love." I admitted. The soccer ball was rolling towards me, so Felix pulled his leg back and kicked it across the field.

"Yeah, I know. I just want you to feel safe again." He said, staring at everyone kicking the ball at the other goal. I frowned.

~~~

Lunch came soon after. I had my math class with Mark, but he sat clear on the other side of the room. I plugged in my headphones, sitting down at my table. It consisted of me, my friend dust, and his girlfriend, loneliness. They're a great pair, but always like clogging up the spots.

It was an unused table for a while until Felix got a girlfriend. I started sitting here because Felix always sat at her table. There was no room for me there, anyway.

I put on my headphones, turning it up and blasting metal. I took out my math homework, starting to work on it. I hate math, so I just wanted to get it done. I don't even bring lunch because there's really no point in eating.

I felt something shift the weight of the table. Turning, Mark had set his books and tray on the table. Why is _he_ here?

He sat down, then looked at me. Mark started to talk but I couldn't hear, so I slipped my headphones to my neck. "...doing homework?" He finished.

"Yeah..." I simply answered. Music continued to blare from my headphones and, seeing as he wasn't getting up, I just went back to my homework. He didn't say anything for a couple minutes. Just went to munching on his potato chips. But something was bothering him. I didn't even have to look up to notice it. Sighing, I turned to him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, slightly annoyed. He looked shocked I figured it out.

"Uh... Where's your lunch? Aren't you gonna eat?" Mark asked. He did seem slightly concerned. I sighed in annoyance.

"No, I'm not gonna eat. Can I get back to my homework now?" I sharply asked. He flinched. I didn't wait for an answer. I put my headphones back in, drowning out him calling my name.

~~~

Study hall was the last period of the day for me, and now, for Mark. Luckily, I have Felix in there with me. We all crowded in the library like usual. So I sat at a table with Felix and his two friends, Ken and Cry. I guess you could call them my friends as well, but I didn't talk to them much. When we did talk, we would have to whisper.

Mark look disappointed, but sat down at a table with these two people, Bob and Wade. I was slightly disappointed as well, but I didn't say anything. I didn't have to, because Felix noticed it anyway.

"What happened with him? You look pouty..." Felix whispered. Cry and Ken, who were working on homework, turned their heads up at hearing Felix's voice.

"Oooo, who's this about??" Ken asked in a whisper, wiggling his eyebrows. Cry didn't say anything, but gave a smirk. I couldn't tell because Cry always wore a hood to cover his face, but I'm sure his eyes were sparkling with curiosity. I wavered with telling them.

"You don't have to tell them. I'm sorry I peaked their curiosity." Felix said, giving them a glare. They backed off, relaxing back in their seats.

"No, it's fine." I hesitated for a moment, but I thought that since Felix trusted them, I could. "...It's Mark, the new kid."

Ken smiled and leaned in. "I might have some good news for you then. I heard- and this is not confirmed- I heard that he's bi." Ken said. I wasn't sure about this information. I mean, do I even deserve someone like him?

_No, no you don't..._

I pulled my headphones onto my head, trying to drown out the emptiness.

_Mark has no idea who you are, and he shouldn't go after someone as pathetic as you._

I turned up the volume. It was so loud that even Mark could hear it. I didn't care. I pressed them as far against my ears as they would go. Felix was poking me, probably asking if I was okay. He's always concerned about me, but has no idea of what I'm like alone.

It wasn't speaking anymore, so I thought I had drowned it out. But then Felix paused my player, forcefully pulling the headphones off my head.

"Dude... You're gonna blow up your ears..." He said, looking at me with genuine concern. Even Mark noticed it. Mark was staring at me. So was Bob and Wade. And the table next to us. And Felix, Cry, and Ken...

_Worthless fag. Go jump off the roof so nobody has to see your pathetic face again._  
_Go die._  
_Go fucking kill yourself, fag._

I couldn't take much more of it. I was pulling my hood up, holding my hands against my ears, and my eyes were shut tight.

"Sean..." I could hear. It was someone next to me... What was their name again? I can't remember.

"Sean." Their voice was clearer, but I still can't remember who they were... I can't-

There was a sudden pain on my forehead. I opened my eyes and there was a middle finger and thumb pulled back in front of my forehead. It was released again and I felt the pain again. I turned to glare at the person doing it and they gave me a smile.

Oh yeah, it's Felix.

"Glad I got you back. C'mon, we're going to the nurse." He said, sliding out of his chair. I did the same. He grabbed my hand and guided me through the halls.

~~~

Getting home, I plugged in my music player for charging.

Like always, screaming was heard downstairs. I put my head under my pillow, wishing for it to all just stop.

~~~

"Hey, you okay?" Felix asked the next morning. "I texted you, but you never answered me." Cry was with him with Ken yelling to his mom on the phone about bring Cinnamon Toast Crunch for lunch again.

"I'm fine. I just wasn't feeling too well yesterday." I said, sitting down against my locker. Felix slunk down next to me. He then realized his friends were still standing them and ushered them to go away. Cry pushed Ken along as he kept yapping at his mom about how "Cinnamon was his life" or something.

"Are you sure? I've never seen you like that before. You pretty much almost blasted out your eardrums." He said, grabbing and pulling at my exposed ear. I smiled at his playfulness.

He smiled back. "I haven't seen you genuinely smile like that in months, dude." Felix said. A group of boys passed us, and I could hear their conversation.

 _"Did you hear? I heard Felix's got it bad for Sean. You heard about yesterday, right?"_ A boy said.

 _"Look at them right now. I'd believe it."_ Another said. And then they laughed as they passed.

Felix didn't seem bothered by it, but I hung my head in shame, because it's technically my fault. Felix frowned.

_See, you're even fucking up other people's relationships!_

"Hey, it's okay. I don't care what they say. As long as Marzia knows I love her, I'm completely fine." He said, poking my shoulder. I could see her walking down the hallway towards us.

"Speak of the devil." I said, watching her approach Felix. She squat down and turned to Felix.

"Hey Pewdie." She said in a sweet voice. Ugh, couples nicknames...

"Hey Cutie." He said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to run to the guys from earlier and bring them here again. Watch their rumors melt to shit.

Marzia turned to me. "You're Jack, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, or Sean. You can call me either." I said.

Marzia pursed her lips. "You know, there's been a rumor-" Felix cut her off.

"It's not true. Look, we'll talk about this later, okay?" He said. She was about to speak, but I beat her to it. I stood up with my books in my arms.

"Look, I'll be going now. The bell's gonna ring soon, so I'll get going to English." I said, walking to the stairs. It looked like Felix wanted to say something, but he didn't, letting me be.

As I ran up, I bumped into Mark. I was about to fall backwards, but he grabbed my arm. It hurt. A lot. My arm only had a day or so to heal, and it wasn't enough. I jerked it back, holding onto the railing as he did with his other hand. My books had long since flew out of my grasp, landing haphazardly on the steps.

"Sean..." He began, heaving himself up.

I didn't say anything, just gathering my books and trying to rush by. As I passed by, I felt my eyes turn wet.

Why am I crying? Why does it hurt seeing him?

Mark grabbed my shoulder.

No! Not now... I can't!

I flung his grip off, heaving my shoulder forward. Before anything else could be said, I ran. The rest of the steps felt like nothing at all. I heaved myself down the second floor hallway. As I rushed to the English classroom, I could hear everyone around me gossiping.

_"Oh, is that Sean McLoughlin? You know, that gay guy?"_  
_"Yeah, did you hear about it? I heard he had a freak out in the library yesterday. My friend was in there and she said she was scared to death."_  
_"Oh really? I heard he and Felix had sex in the Nurse's office."_  
_"What?? I'm not going to the Nurse's for the rest of the year now!"_

I wiped my eyes of tears that so desperately wanted to fall.

_Your fault. You saw Marzia's reaction to you and Felix. She's going to break up with him, and it's your fault. Felix will hate you, and it's all. Your. FAULT!_

I finally made it to my class and the first bell rang. I took my seat, dropping the heavy books on my desk with a loud THUD. I gave a sigh.

My phone vibrated. I took it out and unlocked it. Felix texted me. He said-

"Excited about your boyfriend texting you?" A boy passing my desk noticed my phone.

"Fock off." I said, throwing a random paper from the floor at him. He just laughed and joined his friends. I checked the message.

Felix said, "Hey, so I talked to Marzia. Everything's cool. She was gonna say that she doesn't mind the rumor and doesn't care if you're gay or not. Since one of her friends isn't here today and her other friends are cool with it, do you wanna join us at lunch?" 

_Say no. It'll only make things worse._

I thought for a moment. If I did, the rumor _would_ get worse. But if I went back to my spot, Mark might talk to me again... 

I texted back, "Okay. I don't want to make anything worse, so would you mind me sitting across from you?"

Felix was okay with it.

There was a minute before class began, and Mark walked in. He gave me a sad look, but sat down. The seat between us was empty. Well, for like two seconds. Then, out of nowhere, someone sat in it. It was Bob, the guy Mark sat next to in study hall yesterday. He had his hand on his chin with a thinking look. Wade, the other guy who Mark sat next to, squatted next to Bob, giving me the same look.

"Uh-" I was interrupted.

"So... green hair that looks fluffy... calming, baby blue eyes... and just a hint of... homosexuality?" Bob pondered. What the hell?

"I agree. Mark looks a bit bigger, so his hoodies would look great on Sean..." Wade said. Mark turned around with a blush on his face.

"Guys, what the hell?! Stop!" He demanded, flicking them both on the side of the head.

Oh, I see...

The bell rang and they left to their seats with smiles adorned on their faces. Mark turned around, holding his head in his hands. I gave a smile.

_Stop that. He has no idea who you are. You don't deserve him! What happens when he hears about you and Felix?_

My smile faded.

~~~

"What?? Dude, this could be it! It could be fate!" Felix happily exclaimed. We were sitting on the sidelines for a hockey game during second period. Felix faked his shin getting hit so he could talk with me.

"Weren't you saying something along the lines of he's 'just some new kid' only yesterday?" I asked. He frowned.

"Bro, that was yesterday. You need someone in your life. It's nice to date someone who cares about you!" He said. I didn't tell him about the stairs or the hallway, only class. After class, his friends gave me a wink and grabbed him, dragging his off somewhere.

"Or are you only saying that because you're afraid of the rumor?" I asked. Felix looked shocked, but regained his composure. I looked down at my feet.

"C'mon, I already told you it's fine. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. Marzia even said that it's funny because she doesn't have to fight off other people from stealing me." He said.

I paused. "...And what about me? What happens when Mark hears about it?" I asked, fists starting to clench. 

"Do you want me to talk to him? Because I swear to god, I will." Felix said with complete seriousness in his voice.

_Mark couldn't care less about you. It's a bad idea._

"No thanks." I said. The gym teacher blew his whistle calling Felix and me back into the game. Felix let out a frustrated sigh but stepped back into the area. We grabbed the hockey sticks from two teammates. They made kissy faces as they sat down on the sidelines. When the teacher looked away, Felix flipped them off.

In math, all I could think about was Mark. He was on the other side of the room, yeah, but I still couldn't get him out of my head. I thought about his blush before English started. And then I thought about the disappointment he would feel whenever he heard the rumor about me and Felix.

I was especially nervous about what I saw next. I noticed that while our teacher was giving notes, Amy's eyes were elsewhere.

Following her gaze, they led right to Mark. Mark was sitting in the last row, first seat. Amy sat in the second row, last seat. Right next to me in the first row, last seat. Fuck... She likes him, huh?

The rumor was that Mark is Bi, so I suppose Amy felt she still had a chance.

_It's not like she has very much competition..._

~~~

At lunch, I brought just my headphones and music player. I'd do my homework in study hall. After all, I didn't want to take up much space.

Getting to their table, Amy pulled up a chair for me. They sat at a circle table. Felix smiled, giving me a thumbs up. I returned it with a smile.

"Thanks for letting me sit here..." I said to the girls.

The girls focused on me and all talked at once, saying, "No problem!" and "Anytime!" It was very sweet of them.

I could see Mark confused when he saw my table empty. But then Bob was ushering him towards their table and he sat with them.

I had Amy on my right and Signe on my left. She gave a smile, then going back to gossiping. In 8th grade, Signe asked me out. I didn't know how I was gonna tell her I was gay, so I just accepted. A couple weeks into our relationship and she realized she was in love with Amy. She was so flustered at telling me, so I let it slip to her that I was gay. But now the whole school knows about me. I told her I'd never tell and I never have.

I scanned through my playlist, listening to gossip about boys and who thought who was prettier when I found a song that peaked my interest. I was about to put them in, but then I remembered how loud they were. So I turned down the volume. But then I zoned in on a conversation Amy was having.

"...I mean, that new kid! I think his name is Mark Feshback, or something." She said. Right, she _was_ staring at him... "I think I'm gonna try asking him out soon. Maybe after school! What do you guys think?"

My eyes widened. But I quickly put a song on, turning on the music. I so desperately wanted to turn the volume as high as it could go, but I just sat there, letting myself be carried away.

I could feel Signe next to me. She was looking quiet and sad... Felix was shaking his head and folding his arms. He might be trying to tell her it's a bad idea.

_Good. Someone like Amy can actually date Mark. You're too pathetic._

I pulled my hood over my head, laying my forehead on the table.

Felix gave my head a pat. He smiled. "Look, I managed to convince her to do it _tomorrow_ after school, so you're gonna have to confess soon. I'm sorry I couldn't do more..." He said.

~~~

It was study hall now. Cry and Ken sat across from me and Felix. Mark sat directly opposite me and Felix with Bob and Wade sitting across from him.

"We've got a deadline now? Let's talk strategies!" Ken whispered. He pulled out a blank piece of notebook paper and started scribbling on it. Cry and Felix waited patiently for him to finish and I just did my homework. About five minutes later, the paper was shoved in my face. I sighed, and read it.

"Plan A- The old school paper approach! Write on a piece of paper 'Will you go out with me? Y/N - Sean' and slip it to him somehow. Recommended to give it to his friends if afraid." I just looked at him. Ken sighed.

"Read the next one, then!" He said. I groaned quietly.

"Plan B- The messenger through friends! Let your friends ask his friends and then set up a confession _for_ you!" I put my head in my hand, then moving onto the last one. "Plan C- Wait." I gave Ken a sour look, and he snatched the paper back from me.

"I tried!" He whisper-yelled. I gave up on talking and went back to my homework. 

_Just let it go. You'll never have him..._

~~~

More yelling. More alcohol. More hate. Always what I come home to.

Well, I'm done. No more. Tomorrow, I'll make sure of it.

~~~

In the morning, I ignored everything and everyone. I didn't even talk to Felix. I didn't listen to the gossip as it tried to invade my mind. I didn't even look at Mark. I could feel him burning his gaze through my hood as I just kept my head down.

In gym, I made sure I was on the opposite team for basketball than Felix. I didn't want this thing to go on anymore.

During math, I just took notes. I didn't focus on Mark turning his gaze to me every so often. I didn't care that Amy was still staring at him. She can have him. I don't care anymore. Go ahead and love him all you want, Amy.

While everyone went to lunch, I hid in the bathroom.

In study hall, Felix wanted to talk to me so badly, but I sat at an empty table. He was about to move but got yelled at by the librarian. Mark sat back in his seat as well.

Once the bell rang, Felix marched up to me. "Dude, what is up with you? Are you okay?!" He demanded. I smiled.

"I've decided I'm gonna do it now. Please leave me alone until I do it." I lied. I hated lying to him, but he seemingly bought it.

He smiled. "Okay dude! Hurry, though! Amy's on the prowl now." I nodded, and he left.

I wanted to wait until the library was clear, but one person wouldn't leave. Mark. He wasn't getting up. I finally decided to just get up and that's when he did as well.

"Sean." He walked towards me, stopping when I backed up. "Talk to me. Please." He begged. I kept my eyes fixed to the floor and ran out the nearest door leaving my stuff behind. He did the same, following me out the nearest door to him.

"Sean. I have... to tell you something." I stopped, turning to him. He had a blush on his cheeks. Is this-

"Hey, Mark!" I heard Amy calling. She just got down the nearby staircase. This was my chance!

I ran up the stairs, not stopping, even as Mark called for me.

_This is what you want._

It's what I want. I just kept telling myself that. The staircase to the roof was blocked off by a locked gate. I fished the lock pick that I stole from my dad from my pocket and unlocked the gate. The lock clanked to the floor and the gate opened with ease.

_It's what you deserve._

It's what I deserve. And I'll finally be free from all of it. Finally. I got to the roof after one final flight of stairs and opened the large door with ease. I took in my surroundings and began my walk to the edge.

_And you're paying with your life..._

I sent a last goodbye message to Felix, my very best friend.

The school was almost empty by now. Good. I don't need anyone to see me now.

Everywhere I went, I'm known as the gay kid. One who fucks his best friend. One who's a stupid fucking faggot. Not anymore.

He opened the door. I could hear it's squeaks. "Sean..." He started. I rose to my feet.

"Don't fockin' talk to me." I demanded, walking to the edge.

"Sean! Please, I want to help!" He yelled, seeing I was dangerously close.

What does he care? If I was _anybody_ else, he would be the same.

I could feel the harsh drop from the edge. If I decided to lean one way, it would be the end of me. The other...

I looked back at Mark.

His face was stained with tears, his hair a mess with worry. He looked out of breath from running up to here. I turned, looking at the harsh drop I could choose. It was calling me. It felt like I was being pulled towards it, but I didn't stop it.

One last look at Mark before I made my choice. "Goodbye." I said.

And I fell.

~~~

I waited. For... something. For anything.

One final sharp pain, maybe. The feeling of wind in my hair? Nothing. I opened my eyes.

I was sitting on the roof. Mark had his arms wrapped around me. My face was pulled into his shoulder and his was on mine. He was crying his eyes out.

"S-Sean... I... l-love you... Please don't... d-die..." He sputtered out. My eyes filled with tears. ...It's true?

"I... I love you too..." I managed to get out. He pulled away and... kissed me. 

No way... This is real?

"SEAN!" He pulled away, and I saw Felix running towards me. He carefully brought me away from the edge, then squishing me in a hug.

Felix was crying as well. Marzia stood at the doorway, a hand against her mouth in shock. She was shedding tears as well.

"Jack... I-uh... I told Amy the truth. I told her that I'm gay. And then I ran right after you." Mark said.

Soon enough, Ken and Cry came up to see what was going on. They saw everyone crying a joined my hug. Bob and Wade, who stayed behind and waited for Mark, followed Cry and Ken to come to this sight. They put their hands on Mark's shoulders for support.

Eventually, someone had called an ambulance to make sure I was okay. They took me to the hospital and Felix insisted he ride with me.

~~~

"Hey..." I heard Mark say as he entered my room.

The hospital had prescribed me some antidepressants and suggested a couple therapists. My parents wouldn't let me see any of them, but I was allowed to take the pills.

"Hi..." I said, unsure about what to say. He sat in the chair beside my bed.

"So... I wanted to check on you. Make sure everything was okay. I've been in the same boat before." He admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh..." Was all I could say.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Any tips you have is very much appreciated. Hope you've enjoyed!


End file.
